Let’s Get Dangerous

I’ve had it with these monkey-fighting telemarketers on this Monday-to-Friday spam plane!

I get calls from spammers all the time. Stuff like security systems, debt reduction, travel packages, etc. Before I got rid of texting on my line, I was getting spam texts (spexts) all the time and I would have to pay 20 cents for each one.

The new age is here. Technology has the capability of solving all of our most annoying problems. Yet, for some reason, it’s not always easy or properly promoted. As far as I know, there are no functional apps available in the App Store that allow you to filter calls and texts based on lists of numbers. I think Android has apps, but not iPhone. Probably because AT&T wants you to buy their stupid Smart Filters service for $5 per month.

I decided to take the plunge and Jailbreak my iPhone wide open. Now, I use iBlacklist, which rejects numbers you add to the block list. This will take care of the annoying ones that keep calling, but not new spammers. But I don’t mind dealing with one spam call or text, if it means I can block all the rest from that same number/company. Texting filters even have keywords, so I can put in common spam words to block spexts.

It’s weird that someone has to go to this much trouble or pay ridiculous fees just to gain protection from relentless spam. I’ve filed numerous complaints with the Do Not Call registry and the FCC, but nothing ever gets done. A lot of times you can’t even tell the telemarketers to stop calling you, or if you do, they just hang up and call again later.

Now, I’ll answer the call and say: “What’s up, douche? You’re going on my blacklist, mother -BEEP-!”

Posted in anger, takepowerback, tech | Leave a comment

The Dishes Are Done, Man

So, we don’t have a car anymore. We are fortunate to have great friends and family who freely loan vehicles without a second thought. Turns out that it wasn’t my fault, since I was totally supposed to be turning left with a green arrow. Of course, when you drive a Mack truck, people are just expected to get out of your way, I guess.

It was a rather surreal experience. I didn’t see the truck until it was about to hit and I thought, “Oh shit!” as I tried to accelerate away from the impact. But Mr. Y is no spring chicken and I could not outrun the speeding truck. It happened both rapidly and in slow motion. There was a pop and then smoke and deflated airbags in front of me. All I could hear was the horn blaring, but it didn’t stop when I turned off the car and pulled out the key. Then a guy came over and asked if I was ok. I said my chest was tight and he said it would be best to get out. I walked over the broken glass of what used to be my rear windshield to the parking lot of Walgreens on the corner. I was catching my breath and everybody was asking if I was alright and touching my chest. I noticed my pinky knuckle was bleeding from being scraped. They were saying I had the green arrow and I was saying I needed to call my wife. People wanted to give me their names and numbers, so I told them to write everything down on my homemade Arabic flashcards I had in my backpack. The fire department arrived. They put a bandaid on my finger and checked my vitals. I told them I was ok and that I didn’t need to go to the hospital (to incur unnecessary medical bills that I wouldn’t be able to pay). They made me walk around and I cracked some jokes so they knew I was fine. I met the driver of the Mack truck, who asked how I hadn’t seen him coming. I didn’t have an answer for him. He said he had never been in an accident and I said I hadn’t either. The cop gave us each forms to fill out for exchanging our info. I called my boss to come get me, since he was the closest to my location and I was already really late for work. He got there 5 minutes later and we waited with the cop for the tow truck to arrive. The cop lady said she thought it was odd that the truck driver had said he slammed on his brakes to avoid hitting me, but there were no skid marks in the intersection.

Anyway, I don’t think I’ve ever yearned for a weekend as much as this week. My bones need to sleep.

Posted in cars, injury, reality | 1 Comment

Happy Newb Year

I guess the Mayans were wrong. The world’s still here. See, they knew that we’d have computers and it wouldn’t be a big deal to fill in the rest of time on calendars after 2012. Perfectly logical. But I don’t mind, because we got one helluva great Roland Emmerich movie out of the 2012 mythos.

But seriously, this year is going to be good for movies. We got:

Posted in holidays, movies, weather | Comments Off

Gibby Boy

I just spent most of the morning listening to these gems.

One time, I worked at a place where the boss asked female workers: “Do you do anal?”

The best part is it wasn’t even a porn job, it was just pizza delivery.

I’ll have an extra side of ranch, please.

Posted in true stories | 5 Comments

Best Ofs 2011


Movie:

  1. Drive
  2. Rise of the Planet of the Apes
  3. Super 8
  4. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
  5. X-Men: First Class

Music:

  1. Handsome Furs – Sound Kapital
  2. Radiohead – The King of Limbs
  3. Wild Beasts – Smother
  4. M83 – Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming
  5. Matthew Good – Lights of Endangered Species
Posted in movies, music | Comments Off