I’ve seen the future. It is glorious, but we will never get there and I will only be telling you about it in the most vague of terms.
Imagine that you are a movie lover. You’ve seen a lot of movies and you’d like to see a lot more. Imagine that there is a site that allows you to stream movies to your TV for a flat monthly fee that isn’t too outrageously overpriced as most things seem to be these days. Then let’s say that you are browsing this site and it reminds you of when you used to walk the aisles of a video store, looking for something new to watch or possibly just an old favorite. You knew that eventually the aisle would end and you’d have to go home with a VHS tape. Though, for a few moments, it seemed like those aisles went on forever. Imagine you weren’t restricted by your location, so your possibilities were even greater with TV shows and movies from all over the world, all collected in one easy-to-use streaming website.
This is what we could have and should have, but don’t. Instead we have a severely limited, locked down, copyright licensing nightmare where film enthusiasts roam the empty aisles of Netflix, hoping to find something cool to watch, but almost never do. The movie studios/content kidnappers are in it for the money and they believe that their profits from 20 years ago are what they should be making today.
Well, in a couple of years, we’ll have hoverboards, so none of this will matter.
We were at the Target yesterday and I noticed a new 12-pack Mountain Dew style in the pop aisle. Game Fuel is back for gamers who like to get wired. 74 mg of caffeine in each can. How is this stuff legal?
They had two different flavors available and I got both of them. The red one is the most common Game Fuel flavor since its inception. It’s like a citrus cherry combo. Then the purple one is kind of a blueberry/grape drank. It’s kind of like the Pitch Black flavor they did awhile back. It’s got that deep purple color that foams a blue frothy top layer and turns your poops green. Don’t ask me why, because I can’t explain the science behind it. But if you drink enough of this purple stuff, your poop will be green.
Time to slam some Dew and play some GTAV.
Posted in bev, gaming, pop
I was browsing my dusty DVD collection recently and found a copy of Watchmen: Director’s Cut with an advertised Digital Copy. I thought, “Cool, I’ll put that on my Nexus 7 or something.” Inside the case is this little card that explains the details about how to get the Digital Copy. I just put in the code and get the download or something. Easy enough. I’ve done this before with Ultraviolet digital copies and it went pretty well. Until I see this at the top:
Let’s see, the DVD came out in 2009, which means this offer was available for a year at most. I guess I should have gotten it when it was available. Reading the fine print, it says: “Digital Copy offer is intended to be available for a limited time for discs purchased near initial release date as promoted on outside packaging.”
Why would someone buy something and wait four years to redeem bonus content? That’s just crazy.
I think the best part is at the very bottom after all the fine print. The last word(s) written by a dying industry that has no idea what their customers want. How do you keep your customers from “stealing” your movies?
- Don’t treat them like thieves.
- Make content widely available in useable formats.
- Don’t put arbitrary expiration dates on stuff.
Don’t worry, Warner Bros. I won’t steal your movies. I won’t watch them at all. You just went on my shit list. It will be tough restraining myself from going to see Ben Affleck as Batman in a couple years, but I think I will survive.
So I didn’t quite get the full 31 like I intended. I missed six days due to baby shenanigans and extreme lack of sleep. What are you going to do?
I thought about making them up now and posting them on the days that I missed, but then it’s like no one will even read them. Or I should say that the one person who reads these will probably not go back and read them.
It’s best to look to the future anyway. “Keep moving forward” is what I
always sometimes say. Think of it this way: those six movies can carry over to next year. Let’s be honest, even though there are plenty of horror movies to review, at some point, it will be hard to do 31 consecutive days of reviews. Maybe in the coming years, I should scale it back to 15 Days of Blood and Gore so as to make the tradition last a little bit longer.
Mikey Myers: Portrait of a Serial Killer might have been a more appropriate title for Rob Zombie’s remake of the 1978 über classic. Rather than do a straight-up retelling with a modern twist, Zombie adds his own flavor with a story that explores the homicidal downward spiral of the notorious villain, Michael Myers. It ends up being a bloody mess.
For the first 30+ minutes, it’s nothing but getting to know Michael Myers as a kid and all the little things that push him over the line into the murder zone. Except, I don’t care about that stuff. I care about the William Shatner mask and an adult stalker with an insatiable urge to kill the last remaining member(s) of his family! Is that too much to ask for? Maybe a little bit more back story than the five minutes in the 1978 movie, but holy geez, I don’t want to sit through 40 minutes of that ugly kid’s face.
When it finally did get to the “main” plot involving Laurie Strode (not played by Jamie Lee Curtis here) and her night of terror, I was totally indifferent. This movie might have been awesome if it hadn’t gotten so full of itself. It’s like 2 hours and 10 minutes, which is unbelievable for a horror movie that isn’t trying to be art-housey. What we end up with is a bloated carcass of Rob Zombie’s lack of restraint. If there is anything in there that is worth my time, it got lost in the shit.