Au Revoir, Bitches

von trappI’ve made the decision to end this blog. I just don’t get any enjoyment out of it anymore. The time has passed and the magic is gone.

I still like doing the 31 Days of Blood and Gore, and that doesn’t necessarily need to stop.

More than anything though, I’m just really tired of trying to stay two steps ahead of dipshits trying to hack in all the damn time.

So, I’ll archive and back up and export until I’m satisfied. Then all of this will be gone and I will find other ways to amuse myself.

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28 Weeks Later (2007)

28weekslaterThe sequel to the sleeper hit 28 Days Later expands on the zombie virus idea, but this time it’s bigger and more polished. After 28 weeks, as the title implies, the rage virus has killed a lot people, but has mostly died out due to the infected starving to death. Of course, that wouldn’t make for a very good horror movie, so something has to go wrong. And it does.

Robert Carlyle is always great and plays the afflicted father who lives with the guilt of leaving his wife so that he could survive. Jeremy Renner is a sniper, Rose Byrne is an army medical officer, and the always impressive Idris Elba plays the army general in charge of keeping London under control.

It’s an enjoyable hour and forty minutes, but it doesn’t really take the story into new territory, which is a bit of a let down. The movie lacks the cinematographic grit of the first movie, but makes up for it with intensity.

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Creepshow 2 (1987)

creepshow2This is another one of those horror anthologies like Cat’s Eye or Tales from the Darkside: The Movie. These seemed to be really popular in the 80s for some reason.

This is supposed to be a sequel to Creepshow, but it’s kinda stupid, because there is no story continuation from an anthology. It’s just a new collection. I guess the first one was popular and they wanted the name recognition. The first one actually had real actors. This one is full of virtual no-namers. The “continuation” of the first movie comes in the form of the comic book at the end of the first one showing up at the beginning of this one.

Each of the three tales is book-ended with a little underlying bit about a kid who gets that Creepshow comic and then a package of Venus Flytraps (“They eat meat”) before some bullies start bullying him. It starts and ends live-action, but turns to cartoon mid-way through.

The only tale that matters in all of this is the second one called “The Raft”. It still scares me to this day and I know exactly what’s going to happen. Two couples go to a secluded lake to hang out and get high on a raft when a mysterious black thing in the lake terrorizes them. If you have the opportunity, watch “The Raft” and skip the rest.

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Shark Night 3D (2011)

sn3dThere has been a recent resurgence of deadly animal horror movies. It all began with Jaws in the 70s, built up steam with Barracuda, Orca, and Piranha, but fizzled out when there were no more scary animals to do. Fast forward to the 2000s and the really low budget SyFy movies started mixing and matching animals (Sharktopus?). Sharknado really blew up the “genre”, but before that, we had the 3D remake of Piranha in 2010.

While this is not as good as the new Piranha movie, it is not terrible either. There is a good mix of comedy, horror, and weirdness.

The plot is basically some college kids vacationing at a lake when they get caught up in a deadly money-making scheme to film shark attacks for a reality TV show. This is kind of a half-way decent idea, because it makes the evil sharks seem like pawns in a game perpetuated by evil human hilly billies.

There were a couple slow parts where it should have kept the pedal to the metal. Overall, though, it’s good enough to watch more than once and that’s saying a lot for these types of horror movies.

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Phenomena (1985)

phenomenaNot too long ago, I developed an obsession with Italian horror movies. What fascinated me was how scary and emotional these low budget productions could be. I wanted to see everything by Dario Argento after I saw Suspiria. The other component that interested me was the musical scores. Most of Argento’s movies were scored by Italian prog rock group Goblin.

This movie caught my attention early on, because it stars Donald Pleasance and Jennifer Connelly. The main premise involves a serial killer murdering girls at a Swiss boarding school where Jennifer Connelly’s character has just arrived. She also happens to have special powers that allow her to communicate/control insects. To solve the mysterious killings, she enlists the help of Donald Pleasance’s entomology professor character and his helper chimp.

The music is great, the story is mysterious, the movie carries an eerie tone, and there is enough uniqueness to make it memorable. The climax is particularly awesome.

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