i must say, when i first heard that a new batman movie was going into production, i thought, “it better not have anymore gay neon lights and erect-nipple suits.” that shit was whack. but after reading a couple articles (one, two) and seeing the teaser trailer and photos at the main site, i decided that it’s headed in the right direction. it has a good cast and a capable director. plus it looks really dark and moody. and the new batsuit is dangeresque.

i found out that napoleon dynamite is finally playing in town. but it’s at that one theater that i don’t really like going to anymore. i can’t remember the last time i saw a movie there that wasn’t ruined by some lady yelling at the movie from a few rows back. i could tell her to be quiet but she probably bought a gun just in case some guy tells her to be quiet in a theater. i could tell the theater workers in hopes that they would do something, but i’m guessing a teenager getting paid slightly more than minimum wage could probably care less. my best chance is to go see it at the first screening of the day because i don’t think the “yelling ladies” are up that early. but with my luck, i’m sure there is that one psycho biatch who gets up at 11 am, drinks a 40 and goes to see napoleon dynamite’s first screening so she can tell napoleon what he’s “doing wrong”. some people are better off dead.

i didn’t just want a dozen donuts, i needed them. and when you need something, that’s a responsibility. which is why krispy kreme’s 24 hour drive-thru was invented. and now i feel ill. no matter what i do, though, i still can’t get a ’stemshul pot belly®’. i try so hard and get so far, but in the end, it’s like it doesn’t matter or something. maybe i can find one on ebay. nope. 0 items found for ’stemshul pot belly®’. i think it’s time for an unnumbered list.

• marriage… if you find your mate then there is no need to look good for “goin’ to the club” hence why, your belly grows to “pot” status. there is also no longer a fear of rejection but that never stopped anyone, now did it?
• when in rome… if the rest of the populace looks pregnant, it’s best to try to blend in. so, if you have trouble conceiving because you don’t have ovaries, you need the next best thing: ’stemshul pot belly®’. (fyi: i know someone who can get you ovaries.)
• cooking skills… if you know how to cook, there’s a good chance that you’re going to be able to feed yourself. i guess that’s why i have so much trouble potting my belly, because if i can’t microwave it, it doesn’t exist.

the official title of the new crappy star wars prequel movie has been revealed. “revenge of the sith” is the highly original name, which george lucas has pulled out of his ass come up with. episode iii will be in theaters on may 19, 2005. so, mark your calendars, because lucas’ great-grandchildren will be needing lamborghinis very soon.

“are you sure about this? trusting our fate to a boy we hardly know?”

you never really know how much crap you have until you have to try to fit it into boxes. and it’s not even the necessity stuff either. it’s the dvds and the cds. the video game consoles and games. and the vhs video tapes that are so very worthless. basically, the trash can has been my best friend for the last couple days. i’ve discarded 100 lbs. of magazines alone. (mostly)