i bought a 16-pack of del monte fruit cups from sam’s club a few months back.
i went to eat one of the peach ones:

i noticed something glinting at me from the bottom of the container:

upon further inspection, i found what appeared to be a rather large nut:

i need to call their 800 number and find out what we are going to do about this, because i would have choked, if i had swallowed that nut.

this week really flew by. i went to sleep tuesday and woke up wednesday to blinding whiteness everywhere. it had snowed and continued to snow well into wednesday evening. the first snow of the year is the best, because people always seem to forget how to drive in hazardous conditions. all night, i saw cars stuck in snow banks, cars stalled in the middle of the road, cars being pushed off the road, and trucks fishtailing their way up slippery roads.
thursday arrived and brought a feast fit for homeless people. after tanking up, i felt like the gluttony guy from the movie “seven” starring brad pitt. no matter how hard i tried, i couldn’t stay awake. a two hour nap was inevitable. i woke up, had some pumpkin cream pie, and played yahtzee. family duties concluded around 7:30. at 9:20 i went to see sideways, which was extremely funny and i highly recommend it. next came sesame chicken and the feeling that i wouldn’t have to eat for a week. watched heaven. it was alright but nothing special. let me just say this: “commence shower sequence” can also be interpreted as “c’mon show her sequins.” (she had nice sequins.)
the rest of the night was spent messing around with an apple ibook. it’s a very sleek piece of machinery and i’d love to own one, but i ain’t got no damn money. i hadn’t used a mac for a couple years, aside from looking at them in stores, but it was very easy to import mp3s and burn cds. and i could connect to our lan just by plugging in a cat-5 cable. bill gates can suck it.

sometimes you go to make corn dogs and you forget all about them. then you go to arby’s because you are hungry, leaving the corn dogs behind. then 6 hours later someone discovers the lonely meat sticks in the microwave and re-cooks them with love and care. after you eat one, you realize that you were the one who forgot about them and you can’t stop laughing.

yesterday, at work, i was staring out the store’s front window when a gang of middle-aged women came into view. they were coming from the sushi place next door and they seemed a little too “happy”. one of them walked up to the window and started deep throating a purple phallic-shaped vibrator. all i could do was give her a frickin’ huge thumbs up and that’s precisely what i did.

i love bad movies. i don’t know why exactly. maybe it’s something about how they are so bad, yet someone paid to have them made. it’s amazing and it intrigues me. some of the worst i’ve seen: r.o.t.o.r., creatures the world forgot, gigli, freaked, terror firmer, velocity trap, and wing commander.
i found this site, which seems to be perfect for me.