take a wiff of this. it’s not a smell you ever need to smell.

i got to smell it today. i get to hear about it every day.

“spirit”, the fragrance by antonio banderas. zorro perfume. it gives you an idea of what a sweaty spaniard smells like. and it’s $30 for a bottle. a small bottle.

when it comes to crappy celebrity colognes, i still prefer stephen colbert’s “scorn”.

i had an awesome christmas. it was just another day. nothing fancy. nothing special. i got everything i wanted this year: nothing.

Which David Bowie are you?

oh, and a big happy birthday to jesus. he’s getting pretty old, but we still love him.

well, it’s almost here, the most expensive holiday of the entire year. i dislike christmas more and more every year. the day itself is alright, but it’s all the other crap that i hate. the excess baggage (starring alicia silverstone).

it seems like this time of year is only about spending money. most people don’t even want to spend time with their families. they have to buy shitloads of booze to make it tolerable. shit, all they have to do is pay me. i’ll make it tolerable for them. they won’t even have to be afraid of uncle jimmy after i’m done.

i guess when all is said and done, there is only one reason why i want this holiday season to be over with. i don’t know what her name is, but she’s the bell ringer for the salvation army outside the store where i work. and every freakin’ time i go to get carts, she says, “have a merry christmas.” like i’m a customer, and then she stares at me for awhile. it makes me really uncomfortable, because i think she may be homeless or “down on her luck” or she wants to eat me.

is it really too much to ask for her to remember me and just say “hi” or something? maybe she really does want me to have a merry christmas. but i still get creeped out by the zombie-look in her eyes. and nothing makes me get carts faster than the zombie-look.

dear santa, please have the crazy bitch relocated to another storefront. thank you.

i watch bill o’reilly. i don’t like him, but i find him entertaining. not as entertaining as stephen colbert or john stewart, but he’s not a comedian. he’s just a misguided man with a very large audience of misguided misguiders.

over the past few weeks, he’s been “exposing” the war on christmas, where many retail stores have been using ‘happy holidays’ instead of ‘merry christmas’. i just thought it was another gimmick to get christians to hate non-christians. or maybe just to get people mad about something. that seems like all the o’reilly factor is good for. getting people riled up. you gotta rile ‘em up, billy.

then i started working in retail recently and got some pretty strange responses when i said “have a merry christmas.” things like “it’s refreshing to hear someone say merry christmas.” or “i’m glad someone is still saying merry christmas.”

so i guess it’s true. there really is a war on christmas. so i just have one thing to say:

i don’t fucking care.

mozilla better not blow it. the firefox 1.5 browser is having some difficulties. if they don’t watch out, people are going to go back to using internets explorer.

i got my hair cut at supercuts today. i haven’t been to one of those places in over ten years. it was a bit strange. but now i’m an unstoppable stud machine. a “lady killer” as they say. and the woman who cut my hair was a major latina milf. ¡caliente!

mel gibson needs to stop.

who plays the albino? the guy from wimbledon. that’s who.