today marks the release of the new king kong remake. here’s why i don’t want to see it:
- too much hype. who died and made peter jackson the king of all directors? oh yeah, j.r.r. tolkien, that’s who. just because peter jackson delivered an impossible movie trilogy, doesn’t make him the messiah.
- king kong, schming schmong. i was never really a fan of that big ape and his molestation of that poor lady. this new remake has all the ball-tingling special effects you’d ever want, but do i really care about the story? not so much.
- and finally, the #1 reason i don’t want to see it: running time. 3 hours and 7 minutes! say what‽ this is not an epic about hobbits and rings and massive wars. it’s not even a giant ship hitting an iceberg and sinking. it’s an ape movie. big ape thumps chest, molests lady, climbs skyscraper, and punchs plane out of the sky. in my opinion, that sounds more like 2 hours and 7 minutes worth of film.
Have you compromised your beliefs?! Of course it makes him the messiah! And who wouldnt want to watch 3 hours of something hairier than Shedubeard fall in love and then go on a wild rampage?
That is how you 2 met, isnt it!
how could I not fall for all that hair?
you didn’t fall for the hair, you got too close and it grabbed you. “the shedu trap”
You know you’re going to go see it…and love every minute of it…monkey love…you love it.
I knew the truth would come out eventually. At least I don’t have hairy babies.
Not yet.