i spent the day with my lady friend. we got some beyond bread sandwiches and ate them in sabino canyon on our hike. i forgot sunscreen. now i have a mild case of cancer. it’ll probably turn into a super cool tan in a couple days. well, it better, because i’m too damn white.

we got some cold stone creamery to cool us down. we watched as an old lady in the parking lot drove over a curb. she was showing us her awesome driving skills.

then we made a quick pit stop to find a good movie to go see. we drank some dr pepper and i put some pants on.

we saw the squid and the whale. it was an odd indie flick about divorce and people. i liked it.

and what better way to finish a night than chowing down on a shitload of guero canelo? large carne asada burro, por favor. si. gracias.

we have this thing called the tucson weekly. it’s a paper/’zine thing that comes out every thursday. and best of all, you don’t have to pay for it. not a single cent.

i just have to walk into that mediterranean restaurant and pick one up on my way to subway. those mediterraneans probably hate me for not buying more of their food. whatever. it’s not very good mediterranean food. their gyros (gyri) leave a lot to be desired. i desire more from my gyri.

this week, i found a new love for the tucson weekly. i’ve always liked it, but this week’s annual rant issue was very entertaining. it felt like i was reading a blog, but printed on paper, not electronically.

fetuses are definitely lazy, marco polo is a terrible pool game, and phoenix people are snobs. that covers everything.

moisture, how i miss thee.

i remember when my skin didn’t flake off all the time. when lotion wasn’t very important to me. when “knuckle cracking” only meant making noise with my fingers.

i take long showers. it’s like i need the saturation. good thing water doesn’t cost as much as gas (yet).

but there are some good things about dryness. it’s a tradeoff. there aren’t as many bugs. specifically: mosquitoes. those blood-sucking bastards with their west nile shit can kiss my ass. they will find no standing water to lay eggs in around here.

i also never feel “sticky.” my t-shirts stay loose and don’t attach to my skin. i like that part. it also makes the heat more comfortable.

and the last thing i’ve noticed: it takes longer for opened stuff to get stale. i have a big box of cheez-it with the bag only loosely closed and it’s still fresh even after a couple months. cookies don’t get all sogged out. bread doesn’t mold up as fast. it rocks.

it’s like this, bitch: you made the mistake. you fucked up and that’s what made you late for your appointment.

and you say i need to be more flexible? i need to bend to your whim and do things on your ever-so-slim timetable? blow me. if i could have told you these things today, i wouldn’t be blogging this right now. you’d be crying in the corner and i’d be satisfied. instead, i kept my mouth shut and went to lunch. i got my chicken schawarma. i forgot all about your bitchy bitch ass.

next time, take responsibility for your mistake rather than taking it out on other people. or don’t. then say “hi” to karma for me when it poops on your head.

on the upside, i became a hand model today. some lady needed a picture of a fist and i did it. it was for her daughter. she is learning “f” words. i’m always happy to help with child development. and i have a beautiful fist.