i don’t watch mtv, so i’m just seeing this now. but it’s gnarls barkley and it rocks. i still love that name.

then we have the spiderman 3 teaser. topher is looking pretty hot. spidey is going to the dark side. do they have enough villains in this one?

and from the file marked: how could i have missed this, comes the new mars volta album. august 15, baby.

i think i just peed myself a little bit.

one of the advantages of being an uber-snob is that no one listens to me, even when i’m right (which is usually the case). either that or i’m just not yelling loud enough.

take my job, for example. i left a note for the morning manager about how a pump was not working on one of the machines. when that pump goes out, chemicals start to leak everywhere.

i had the day off today, thankfully, but i got an update from my secret source and chemicals were in fact spilling out of the machine.

hmm… now, did i or didn’t i leave a note about it? i guess i’m just not knowledgeable enough to know when a pump goes out.

but this isn’t the first time, nor will it be the last. people don’t listen to me. i have no more wisdom to give, and i have no more sympathy for fools.

“no, i hope you die right now / will you drink my chemical?”

we’re going to be looking after little pooper again around fourth of july. every holiday should be spent doggysitting, as a sort of vacation from peaceful life. the return to normalcy never looked so good. i kid.

he’s a fun little devil and i was rather sad to see him go last time. my way of dealing with loss is disconnection. by acting like someone or something doesn’t exist, it helps me forget how much i miss them/it. i have yet to learn another way.

good. i’m glad people don’t like nacho libre. this way, it won’t turn into a huge phenomenon like napoleon dynamite. i really liked napoleon when he first came out. then it became cool to like napoleon and wear ‘vote for pedro’ shirts, and suddenly, everywhere i went, it was “lucky!” this and “gosh!” that.

with nacho, it’s a bit different. it’s not quite as funny as napoleon. many of the funniest parts were unintentional or maybe it was all intentional. but if you can’t find anything funny about jack black, you should check your broken sense of humor.

i didn’t really care for the numerous fart noises, as they seemed synthetic and out of place. had they been more realistic, i would have liked them better. it was obvious that this movie was intended for the whole family, and kids like farts.

do me a favor and don’t like this movie, because i would like to continue liking it without it being ruined by dumbasses. thank you.

co-worker: “why do you hate father’s day? why do you hate holidays? why do you hate birthdays? what do you like? what is it that you like to do?”

me: “i hate father’s day, because there is no son’s and daughter’s day. these semi-holidays are slightly skewed. honor thy father and mother, yes, but where does it say i have to make a special occasion one sunday out of every year for each parent. i’m supposed to buy a card like these other suckers? i don’t think so. i’ll use some cellphone minutes and have a little chit chat instead.”

me: “i hate birthdays, because i don’t want to know how old i am. i don’t care. all i need to know is that i’m alive and i still have most of my hair. i’d rather celebrate the fact that after years of struggling, i’ve finally been able to gain five pounds. but weight gain day is not a holiday.”

lack of sleep and two cans of arizona green tea can make me a little loopy.