imagine the most awkward feeling in the most awkward of situations and you are half way to what i felt like tonight. ladyfriend dragged me to a housewarming shindig out in the boonies.
my first clue that it was going to be a disaster of epic proportions was the invitation that said “mass at 5:30.” now, i don’t begrudge anyone their religions, but having mass is not my idea of a party. i’m just crazy like that. ladyfriend was like “oh, they just bless the house. it won’t be much more than that.” it was a full mass with the wafers and everything. since it’s not something i’ve ever witnessed firsthand, i rather liked it.
mostly, the three hours there were spent sitting in a chair trying not to be noticed. luckily, no one tried to talk to me. who would want to talk to the tallest, whitest guy there? not me, and i am me.
after we finally broke free, we made our way to the casino to win big, but instead got jinxed by a former co-worker and lost everything ($40).
i just want to curl up in bed and suck my thumb. can i do that, please?