no witnessing allowed

i heard a knock at the door, or rather, i heard daisy yelping and barking like a banshee guard dog. i cautiously went to the door and opened it. there were two people, male and female. the guy said that they were in the neighborhood talking to our neighbors and he asked if i read the bible. i told him no and both of them lit up like they hit the jackpot. he clarified by asking, “you’re not a bible reader?” then he asked if i wanted to take a look at a little book and again i said no. he got my message and they both left before i could convert them to the wonderful world of devil worship.

something about the whole door-to-door salesman selling god just doesn’t sit right with me. i’m not much of a religious anything, but i like even less the idea of people trying to catch you unawares in your own home with the gift of a little redemption booklet. after they were gone, i started thinking up witty retorts for my next encounter, which will hopefully never come. things like: “all you religious people need to go home and stop starting wars in foreign countries. god doesn’t like it when we kill in his name.” or “if there is a hell, i’d rather go there than to have to look at your ugly face again.” and my personal favorite: “i don’t know about all that, but i saw jesus’ face in my bowl of oatmeal this morning. it was delicious.”