this morning—driving half asleep, like you will find me most weekday mornings around 7:30am—i was listening to sigur rós’ last album takk in anticipation for their new one. if you are unfamiliar, sigur rós is an icelandic band with very unique musical tendencies. they could be classified as orchestral rock, but that really doesn’t do them justice. anyway, one of the best parts is how they use the human voice as an instrument. the singer basically just sings nonsensical words they call “hopelandic” and it is always very raw and emotional. back to this morning, i was listening and thought i heard him say “testicle water,” which made me laugh and then my brain just started coming up with all kinds of weird ideas. i began thinking about how there is probably a market for “testicle water” in the united states, and it will eventually be an energy drink you can buy in a grocery store. however, it will probably not be called “testicle water,” but rather “ball juice” or “huevo splash.” then i started thinking: what is testicle water? is it the sweet, yet salty tasting sweat from the testicles of south american jungle monkeys? (how would one even collect that?) or could it be the extracted scrotal fluid of a rare javan rhino? it really doesn’t matter, because if you put enough high fructose corn syrup in it, everyone will buy it.
on a side note, just for fun i decided to search for “testicle water,” and what i found was very far from fun. there was a page detailing how to do “testicular juicing.” i will spare you the details, and hope that my future money-making product is never produced that way.
I don’t know how anyone can think such disgusting things that early in the morning. At least wait until after lunch, like most people.